some thoughts....

2 posts in one day-wow.. im good :) i got this off of my friends blog who also struggled w/ infertility who now has triplet girls :) (i think its from someone else too-i dont think she wrote it)






To wake me up in the mornings, I need an alarm clock because there are no little ones to jump onto my bed urging me to wake up.

I take my time getting ready in the morning because I don’t have anyone to dress but myself.

Instead of changing dirty diapers, I change a puppy pad.

Instead of preparing lunch for school, I pour fresh food and water for my dog.

Instead of tiny fingerprints on my front door, I have old stains because I haven’t cleaned the glass in a few months.

I have no clue what it’s like to have a dryer full of little clothes that are “so aggravating” to fold.

I don’t have a diaper genie, a changing table, or a crib- only a bunk bed that is filled with junk we pile up throughout the week.

My picture frames are filled with pictures of friends’ children because I haven’t had an opportunity to capture the beauty in the faces of my own.

My husband and I don’t have any family portraits because we don’t have a “family” as defined by our world.

We haven’t had our picture taken in eight years because we feel incomplete.

There are no toys filling every area of my living room floor – only dirt dragged in by our shoes.

When I want to have a quiet moment, all I have to do is turn off the television.

The only birthday parties we celebrate are those of other children.

When we go to church, we feel like the “fairly odd couple” because everyone else has something in common.

No, I don’t know what labor pains feel like.

No, I don’t know what it feels like to carry your world in your womb for nine months.

And when I think I might be pregnant, I’m haunted by all of the “negatives” during the past eight years.

I can’t plan children, only “times” to try for them.

TSH, HSG, HCG, and PCOS are not blogging abbreviations.

Trying to conceive a child for me is driving two hours for a five-minute visit to draw blood and then waiting the entire day to hear that I’ll have to try again next cycle because I didn’t ovulate on the 12th-14th day, but on the 19th day.

I have no more vacation or sick days left at work.

I never hear, “We’re praying for you and believing in you,” but rather “It’ll happen” or “Maybe if you adopt…”

I feel guilty every day. I feel like a failure to God, my husband, my parents, my church, and myself.

I’ve never heard “I love you, Mommy!”

If you have never experienced the pain of infertility, you can’t relate. However, you can pray for us. We long to have what you have. If we don’t congratulate you about your new baby or if we walk out of the room during a baby dedication or an infant baptism, please don’t be offended. These moments remind us of what’s missing in our lives

Last Day of Provera

YAY today was my last day of provera-thank God! Now i just wait for my period to come, and then i will take Femara on days 1-4. then i just wait. Waiting has got to be the hardest part of all during this journey. In the past 2 years and 2 months, i have waited more times than i ever thought possible. God must really be working on some patience for me. lol. im trying-boy am i trying so hard!!!

Last night i went to a youth conference at ASU to watch Meredith Andrews, Brandon Heath, Josh Wilson (i think that was his name-lol) and 7 miles. it was really good. but what really stuck out to me was what one of the guest speakers said-he said " God will not start somthing with/in you, that He will not finish". God started me in this journey and He will finish it. whether it be through a biological birth, foster care, adoption, or anything.... It will be finished-and it will be finished soon :) I have this overwhelming desire in my heart-and its getting stronger and stronger. my will and my faith is getting stronger and stronger as well. (its also being tested more and more)

God is working deep in my life right now, and i cant wait to see what the next couple of months hold. As for now, no more dr apointments until Jan. so my posts will be few and far between (unless i conceive in the mean-time :)) Please continue to pray for us and all my friends who are facing this heart-ache as well.....