The journey from infertility to family,
someone once said,
is like taking a train ride;
Never knowing whether
you'll reach your desired destination.
There are plenty of stops along the ride.
And each of the passengers
makes it's own decision
when its time to get off.
Some never need to take the train.
Others ride it for a lifetime.
But whether you reach your destination or not,
pay attention to the journey.
If you will,
as painful as it is,
it may reward you in unexpected ways.
New York, December 2000
(c) 2000 Ronen Divon, All Rights Reserved.
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Was it all worth it?
Someone asked me the other day, Has this all been worth it? and to answer that-YES, 100% Yes. Sure, i dont have my baby yet, and im not even pg yet, but all that i have endured (that we have endured) has ALL been worth it.
Every period, every cramp/pain, every tear, every prayer, every fight (God knows there were alot of them), every mile drove, every early dr apt, every blood draw(eick) every shot, every IUI, every hsg, every procedure, every hormone level check, every negative pregnancy test, every failed month, every surgery, every semen analysis, every overnight hotel stay, every penny spent, and every single minute of every single day is def worth it to us. We wouldnt give anything for the experience we have had and we wouldnt give anything for the pain that we have endured, but in the end, its all been God's plan. I know that one day, He IS going to bless us in a way we cant even imagine right now..... So to answer that person's question.... It was and is def worth it.... more than anyone could ever imagine...
Every period, every cramp/pain, every tear, every prayer, every fight (God knows there were alot of them), every mile drove, every early dr apt, every blood draw(eick) every shot, every IUI, every hsg, every procedure, every hormone level check, every negative pregnancy test, every failed month, every surgery, every semen analysis, every overnight hotel stay, every penny spent, and every single minute of every single day is def worth it to us. We wouldnt give anything for the experience we have had and we wouldnt give anything for the pain that we have endured, but in the end, its all been God's plan. I know that one day, He IS going to bless us in a way we cant even imagine right now..... So to answer that person's question.... It was and is def worth it.... more than anyone could ever imagine...
Black Friday shopping
Travis and I went to walmart on Friday to get some deals at walmart. We didnt get much. We got some batteries (they were only $2.50!) Yes, its sad when i get excited over batteries-LOL. Travis got an XBox 360 game (from my parents for Christmas) and then i got a book. My mom and I went to Wilkes to go to Kohls, JCPenny, Belk and we also stopped at Rue21. (Ive never shopped there before-it was neat) I got a few things from Kohls, some pants from JCPenny, and a pair of boots from Rue21. Mom saved more than she spent at Kohls. Crazy! lol. All in all, it was a good shopping day. Travis had the tree up when I got home, so we decorated and put up some Christmas decoration. We dont have many, so i need to run to the $1 tree to see if they have any nice ones this year. i would like new stockings too, but Trav says no. Now all i have to do is wrap gifts.
As for other news, there is none. The countdown for alot of things is on. Christmas: 27 days, our trip to Nashville: 13 days, and then my dr apointments start back up in Jan, that is if im not pg this month or next. We'll see how God decides to Bless us. I cant wait to find out :)
That's about all...
As for other news, there is none. The countdown for alot of things is on. Christmas: 27 days, our trip to Nashville: 13 days, and then my dr apointments start back up in Jan, that is if im not pg this month or next. We'll see how God decides to Bless us. I cant wait to find out :)
That's about all...
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Happy Thanksgiving!!
Today on Thanksgiving I am thankful for alot of things. Its been a long and rough year, and i know that God has gotten me through it. Without Him, i dont know where id be. Its been a long and rough year, and with the help of friends, family, my husband and mostly God, i have gotten through it.
today i am thankful for:
*My life and my salvation. That God sent His only son to die on the cross for our sins.
* My husband. he is the greatest and has been there for me sooo much over the past 8 years that we have been together (married for 3 and 1/2)
* My family, they are a great source of strength for me :)
* My friends, they have been there alot and listened to me complain over and over again.
* that God has given drs the ability to assist in healing and the knowledge to know what to do.
*my church and the youth that go there
* my house, that i have shelter and a place to lay my head a night
* my car, that im able to get around
*and lastly, my job. i love those babies so much and would do anything for them :)
have a happy Thanksgiving and dont forget to be thankful this year :)
today i am thankful for:
*My life and my salvation. That God sent His only son to die on the cross for our sins.
* My husband. he is the greatest and has been there for me sooo much over the past 8 years that we have been together (married for 3 and 1/2)
* My family, they are a great source of strength for me :)
* My friends, they have been there alot and listened to me complain over and over again.
* that God has given drs the ability to assist in healing and the knowledge to know what to do.
*my church and the youth that go there
* my house, that i have shelter and a place to lay my head a night
* my car, that im able to get around
*and lastly, my job. i love those babies so much and would do anything for them :)
have a happy Thanksgiving and dont forget to be thankful this year :)
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
2 and 1/2 years.....
On Dec 24, 2009 it will be 2 1/2 years since Travis & I have been trying to have a baby. For the past 2 and 1/2 years.. this is what i got out of it...
*June 2007 tried on our own.
*July 2007/Aug 2007 went to Dr Webb at watauga womens center for possible pg. pg test was positive, but ultrasound showed empty sac. chemical pg. Tests were ran. 3 hr glucose was done and pcos panel was also done. Ultrasound to confirm PCOS.
*Sept 2007 My first cycle on metformin. 1000mg
*Oct 2007 I actually ovulated on just metformin alone.
*December 2007 brought my first month of clomid 50mg. nothing happend on that cycle. *Feb 2008 was my 2nd month of Clomid-100mg, nothing.
*April 2008 was my 3rd month on Clomid-150mg, nothing.
*June 2008 was my first month with the dr at CARS in Johnson City, TN. i started on Femara 7.5mg that month, ovulated with 2 follicles, 17mm and 19mm but no pg
*July 2008 2nd month on femera with CARS. 7.5mg 2 follicles, 27mm and 28mm, no pg. hcg trigger shot
*Aug 2008. 3rd month on femera with CARS. 7.5mg 3 follicles, 2-23mm and 1-19mm, no pg. hcg trigger shot
*Sept, Oct, Nov and Dec 2008 were break cycles
* Jan 2009 rest cycle
* Jan 27, 2009. HSG done at Wat Medical by Dr webb. Possible right tube blockage
* Feb 9, 2009 started at Lyndhurst in winston.
* March 2009 4th month on femara. Lyndhurst 2 follicles, 35mm and 24mm, hcg trigger shot. no pg.
* April 2009/May 2009 5th month on femera at Lyndhurst. 2 follicles, 20mm and 30mm. hcg trigger shot. Post coital test twice-both times failed. no pg
* May 2009/June 2009 6th month on femera at Lyndhurst. 2 follicles, 21mm and 19mm. hcg trigger shot. IUI on June 5, 2009 at 9:15 am. no pg
* June 2009/ July 2009. 7th month on femera at Lyndhurst. 2 follicles, 19mm and 14mm. hcg trigger shot, IUI on July 4 at 10:15am. no pg
* July/Aug 2009: July 27, 2009 Lap consult with Dr Parker.
* Aug 6, 2009. LAP surgery at 7am at Forsyth Medical. 1 hr procedure. outpatient. removed slight endo off of uterus/ovaries. both tubes are completly open :)
* Sept 2009/ October 2009: 8th month on femera. No dr apointments just timed intercouse. ovulation, but no pg.
* Oct 2009/ November 2009: 9th month on femera. No dr. timed intercourse, ovulation, no pg.
* November 2009/ December 2009: 10th month on femera. No dr apointments. timed intercourse...
In Jan 2010 i will start going back to see Dr Parker. I have another round of doing the femera on our own. we will see what happens then :)
I need to also add that i have gotten strength, friendships, stronger and closer relationship with God and a much better one w/ Travis. Yes, I have also had grief, heartaches, tears, anger, craziness and much much sadness. But i need to look back on what has happend and realise, this is ALL making me a much much better person. I will become a better wife, mother, daughter, sister, and person all because of this experience. We arent done yet, and i know that God has a good and perfect will for our life!!! :)
*June 2007 tried on our own.
*July 2007/Aug 2007 went to Dr Webb at watauga womens center for possible pg. pg test was positive, but ultrasound showed empty sac. chemical pg. Tests were ran. 3 hr glucose was done and pcos panel was also done. Ultrasound to confirm PCOS.
*Sept 2007 My first cycle on metformin. 1000mg
*Oct 2007 I actually ovulated on just metformin alone.
*December 2007 brought my first month of clomid 50mg. nothing happend on that cycle. *Feb 2008 was my 2nd month of Clomid-100mg, nothing.
*April 2008 was my 3rd month on Clomid-150mg, nothing.
*June 2008 was my first month with the dr at CARS in Johnson City, TN. i started on Femara 7.5mg that month, ovulated with 2 follicles, 17mm and 19mm but no pg
*July 2008 2nd month on femera with CARS. 7.5mg 2 follicles, 27mm and 28mm, no pg. hcg trigger shot
*Aug 2008. 3rd month on femera with CARS. 7.5mg 3 follicles, 2-23mm and 1-19mm, no pg. hcg trigger shot
*Sept, Oct, Nov and Dec 2008 were break cycles
* Jan 2009 rest cycle
* Jan 27, 2009. HSG done at Wat Medical by Dr webb. Possible right tube blockage
* Feb 9, 2009 started at Lyndhurst in winston.
* March 2009 4th month on femara. Lyndhurst 2 follicles, 35mm and 24mm, hcg trigger shot. no pg.
* April 2009/May 2009 5th month on femera at Lyndhurst. 2 follicles, 20mm and 30mm. hcg trigger shot. Post coital test twice-both times failed. no pg
* May 2009/June 2009 6th month on femera at Lyndhurst. 2 follicles, 21mm and 19mm. hcg trigger shot. IUI on June 5, 2009 at 9:15 am. no pg
* June 2009/ July 2009. 7th month on femera at Lyndhurst. 2 follicles, 19mm and 14mm. hcg trigger shot, IUI on July 4 at 10:15am. no pg
* July/Aug 2009: July 27, 2009 Lap consult with Dr Parker.
* Aug 6, 2009. LAP surgery at 7am at Forsyth Medical. 1 hr procedure. outpatient. removed slight endo off of uterus/ovaries. both tubes are completly open :)
* Sept 2009/ October 2009: 8th month on femera. No dr apointments just timed intercouse. ovulation, but no pg.
* Oct 2009/ November 2009: 9th month on femera. No dr. timed intercourse, ovulation, no pg.
* November 2009/ December 2009: 10th month on femera. No dr apointments. timed intercourse...
In Jan 2010 i will start going back to see Dr Parker. I have another round of doing the femera on our own. we will see what happens then :)
I need to also add that i have gotten strength, friendships, stronger and closer relationship with God and a much better one w/ Travis. Yes, I have also had grief, heartaches, tears, anger, craziness and much much sadness. But i need to look back on what has happend and realise, this is ALL making me a much much better person. I will become a better wife, mother, daughter, sister, and person all because of this experience. We arent done yet, and i know that God has a good and perfect will for our life!!! :)
Monday, November 16, 2009
For this child I have prayed......
For this child I prayed...
1 Samuel 1:27
As women who face the daily struggle of infertility, there is no doubt the pages of our Bibles recording chapters one and two of 1 Samuel are dog-eared. We loved to read and reread the story of Hannah as she wept and prayed in the temple, crying out to God for a baby, just as we do today. We relate to her frustration, we can almost literally feel her pain and taste her salty tears. How many times have we all sat down in the dusty floor of the temple next to Hannah and wept along with her? It’s just so good to be understood by someone else who knows what it feels like to want a baby so badly, even if that understanding sister lived thousands of years ago!
Oh, how I wish there were video cameras in Hannah’s day! As much I love to read Hannah’s words, I would really love to hear her tell her story. Wouldn’t you? I’d love to hear her make her petitions to the Almighty. I’d love to see her face when she told Eli the priest that she wasn’t drunk, but heartbroken instead. Most of all, I’d want to eavesdrop when she brought her God-sent son back to the same priest and dedicated him to the Lord. I’d ask you to watch that particular video today. Then I’d ask you to watch it again and again. And again.
I’d ask you to back the video up to 1 Samuel 1:27 when Hannah held her precious baby boy in her arms and looked at the priest, Eli, and said “For this child I prayed, and the Lord has granted what I asked of Him...” And then I’d ask you to back it up and watch it again. And again. “For this child I prayed...” Back it up. “For this child I prayed...” Turn the volume up. “For this child I prayed...” I can’t help but believe if we could hear Hannah’s voice when she said these words, we might just hear her put her passionate emphasis on the word this. “For THIS child I prayed...”
The waiting in hard. You just want a baby. You don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl, or if it’s born at the perfect time of year. You just want a healthy baby. You cry out to God with everything in you to let this month be the month. “God, please! I can’t wait another month! I’ll go crazy! Please let me get pregnant this time!” Just one baby! That’s all you ask for! But please, let it be now! Anybody who has ever gone through infertility would absolutely understand.
But listen to Hannah. “For this child I prayed.” What she didn’t realize all those years as she was weeping and crying out to God for a baby was that every single tear and every single prayer was a prayer for Samuel. Every single tear was a tear shed for Samuel. Every single prayer was a prayer prayed for Samuel. For this child I prayed. Can you imagine the first time she saw his face? It must have all come together in an instant! “Oh, I understand! It was for this child I prayed and waited! Not another! But for this child! So worth it. He was so worth it!”
If Hannah had conceived when she first desired a child, that child would not have been Samuel. There’s no way she could have realized the specific child she was praying for, but God knew. God knows your life and your future just as specifically. All the months that have passed with negative pregnancy tests are not failures. Were Hannah’s months and years without pregnancies failures? Her story resulted in Samuel! If she had conceived even one month earlier than she did, Samuel could not have been conceived and history would have been changed. “For this child I prayed...”
I believe God has a purpose and a plan for your infertility. I believe there is a reason for every single month, every single week, every single day and every single negative pregnancy test you must endure. (Jeremiah 29:11) Keep praying. Keep asking God for children. It is our prayer that one day, just as you have wept with Hannah, you will join with her in saying, “For this child I prayed and God has granted what I asked of Him.”
1 Samuel 1:27
As women who face the daily struggle of infertility, there is no doubt the pages of our Bibles recording chapters one and two of 1 Samuel are dog-eared. We loved to read and reread the story of Hannah as she wept and prayed in the temple, crying out to God for a baby, just as we do today. We relate to her frustration, we can almost literally feel her pain and taste her salty tears. How many times have we all sat down in the dusty floor of the temple next to Hannah and wept along with her? It’s just so good to be understood by someone else who knows what it feels like to want a baby so badly, even if that understanding sister lived thousands of years ago!
Oh, how I wish there were video cameras in Hannah’s day! As much I love to read Hannah’s words, I would really love to hear her tell her story. Wouldn’t you? I’d love to hear her make her petitions to the Almighty. I’d love to see her face when she told Eli the priest that she wasn’t drunk, but heartbroken instead. Most of all, I’d want to eavesdrop when she brought her God-sent son back to the same priest and dedicated him to the Lord. I’d ask you to watch that particular video today. Then I’d ask you to watch it again and again. And again.
I’d ask you to back the video up to 1 Samuel 1:27 when Hannah held her precious baby boy in her arms and looked at the priest, Eli, and said “For this child I prayed, and the Lord has granted what I asked of Him...” And then I’d ask you to back it up and watch it again. And again. “For this child I prayed...” Back it up. “For this child I prayed...” Turn the volume up. “For this child I prayed...” I can’t help but believe if we could hear Hannah’s voice when she said these words, we might just hear her put her passionate emphasis on the word this. “For THIS child I prayed...”
The waiting in hard. You just want a baby. You don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl, or if it’s born at the perfect time of year. You just want a healthy baby. You cry out to God with everything in you to let this month be the month. “God, please! I can’t wait another month! I’ll go crazy! Please let me get pregnant this time!” Just one baby! That’s all you ask for! But please, let it be now! Anybody who has ever gone through infertility would absolutely understand.
But listen to Hannah. “For this child I prayed.” What she didn’t realize all those years as she was weeping and crying out to God for a baby was that every single tear and every single prayer was a prayer for Samuel. Every single tear was a tear shed for Samuel. Every single prayer was a prayer prayed for Samuel. For this child I prayed. Can you imagine the first time she saw his face? It must have all come together in an instant! “Oh, I understand! It was for this child I prayed and waited! Not another! But for this child! So worth it. He was so worth it!”
If Hannah had conceived when she first desired a child, that child would not have been Samuel. There’s no way she could have realized the specific child she was praying for, but God knew. God knows your life and your future just as specifically. All the months that have passed with negative pregnancy tests are not failures. Were Hannah’s months and years without pregnancies failures? Her story resulted in Samuel! If she had conceived even one month earlier than she did, Samuel could not have been conceived and history would have been changed. “For this child I prayed...”
I believe God has a purpose and a plan for your infertility. I believe there is a reason for every single month, every single week, every single day and every single negative pregnancy test you must endure. (Jeremiah 29:11) Keep praying. Keep asking God for children. It is our prayer that one day, just as you have wept with Hannah, you will join with her in saying, “For this child I prayed and God has granted what I asked of Him.”
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Waiting.. and waiting.. and waiting.
As you all know, none of the IUI's worked, so I had LAP surgery done in Aug (i think-lol) We have been just taking Femera and trying on our own until Jan. I think that this is good for us, to take a step back and examine things before moving on. We will do 3 consecutive IUI's (Jan, Feb and March) God-willing one of those will work. If not, we will talk to the dr about what is next and then maybe pursue other options. We will look into getting into an IVF study (probably for over the summer when its easier for Travis & I both to get off of work) if we dont get into one of those, we will just try on our own, or see what Dr Parker has to say. Who knows, i may need another opinion or somthing. Im really hoping and praying that God answers our prayers soon , but ultimatly, its in His time-not ours. We just need to keep our focus on the goal and know that this is ALL worth it in the end :)
We have been still thinking about foster care/adoption but finances are a big thing right now, and we have lack of. We will probably persue foster care once Trav is done with school in Dec 2010, but for now, its hard with his class schedule (and mine) I will still be going back to school in spring and in the fall i will attemp to do online courses for my B-K degree. Fun stuff. lol.
As for us, we are just enjoying the time with eachother and trying to get things ready around the house. We have alot of work that needs to be done, but with no money-that's hard. lol. For Christmas we are going to a Titans game in Nashville. Travis is so excited, we will leave on Friday and then come back on that Monday. I think the mini-vacation will be good for us.
Other than that.. nothing else :)
I thought id update this blog, as its been a while. Lol. I will keep posting more, but there really isnt anything going on. Like i said, we are on a mini-fert-break. LOL. i like that term. haha.
We have been still thinking about foster care/adoption but finances are a big thing right now, and we have lack of. We will probably persue foster care once Trav is done with school in Dec 2010, but for now, its hard with his class schedule (and mine) I will still be going back to school in spring and in the fall i will attemp to do online courses for my B-K degree. Fun stuff. lol.
As for us, we are just enjoying the time with eachother and trying to get things ready around the house. We have alot of work that needs to be done, but with no money-that's hard. lol. For Christmas we are going to a Titans game in Nashville. Travis is so excited, we will leave on Friday and then come back on that Monday. I think the mini-vacation will be good for us.
Other than that.. nothing else :)
I thought id update this blog, as its been a while. Lol. I will keep posting more, but there really isnt anything going on. Like i said, we are on a mini-fert-break. LOL. i like that term. haha.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)