New year, new hope??

Maybe.

I think 2011 will be a very exciting year for Travis and I. We already have great plans in the making.

Travis will continue his other job at Wilkes teaching his night class, and hopefully he will get a job in updating the website for the Farmers Market. We are unsure about that yet.


We will start doing more things w/ the church as we learn and grow (as a big family) We will start meeting in groups, but Im not sure on what nights. Im excited to see what God has in store for us there :) The change has been a good one so far!

We will start doing the foster care classes in the spring, regardless of how things go. I think Id like to have a foster care liscense, whether or not we get pregnant. I think. ;-)

We already have thoughts for our trip this summer, but in order for us to do that, we need money. HAHA. that we dont have right now. I am thinking the beach, for sure. I loved pigeon forge and would love to go back, but I think a beach trip is what I need. Heck, id love to go to Maine, but i dont think that's in the cards for us :)

It will be a different year, but a great year. Hopefully with LESS heartache and more joyous occasions. We shall see.

I cant believe Travis and I will both be 27 this year, Im starting to feel old and Im sure my parents/grandparents are as well. Heck, even my siblings are starting to seem old. In just a few short days, Bobby (my brother) will be 24. See, just seems like yesterday I turned 24!

This will also be a great year, bc in March we will be together for 10 years :-) 10 WONDERFUL years w/ travis. We started dating on March 6, 2001.

In June we will be MARRIED for 5 years :) We got married on June 24, 2006. These 5 years have been the best ever!!!

but sadly, in June it will mark 4 years of us ttc (trying to conceive) God only knows why its taken this long, and we will just live day by day :)

That's about all Ive got coming up. I cant WAIT to see what He has in store for us this coming year, I just know it has to be a good one :)

uh... duh..

(those are the words that come to mind when I stare at this page-haha)

So... I know, I know, I have been a bad blogger. In all honsety-Idk what to write. I have sat here numerous times and just looked at this trying to think of what to type here.


And it came to me...

Its my blog, my thoughts, my rants, my wants, my hopes and my fears, so I can write whatever I dang well please :)


Soo... since Christmas is in a couple of days. I thought Id write about what my family is doing for Christmas/New Years this year.

For Christmas Eve Travis and I are going to his parents house and we eat a Brunch there. Then we are headed to church around 6 and do a communion service there. Then we head to my parents and we have a seafood dinner :) YUM. i cant wait!!! Then we head home. On Christmas day we are supposed to have breakfast at our house, but not if we dont get any propane before then(we are almost out-on the red) Then we will hang around the house a while and then off to my parents for Lasagna. :) YUM. The day after we do the Gilley Christmas get-together. It will be a fun, and tiring day.

This Christmas is a little harder for me. I have lost somthing very precious to me that I cant get back-i have lost my baby. I know that he is up in Heaven w/ God and just having a grand ol time w/ all his friends and causing tons of trouble. But I want my baby here on earth w/ me. I want him to be growing in me, bc that's where he was supposed to be. I know that God needed him more than I do-so I will have to just let that fact go... my baby is gone. (and no, I didnt know the gender of my baby-but I have always felt that I would have a boy first.)

Im praying hard for a Christmas/New Years miracle (hint hint), and our baby will be just that-a miracle. I know ALL babies are miracles, but ours will really be one. 1) I dont ovulate, 2)I have endometriosis, 3) I have a hostile cervix and that kills off all sperm that enter, 4) We have been trying for 4 years (almost) and have never gotten pregnant naturally-or "un-natural" for that matter. It will really be a true miracle from God if I were to get pregnant "on my own". and who knows how my body will handle a pregnancy.... we'll see and we will leave it all up to God when the time comes, if the time comes. But im really praying and trusting God for one. (hint hint)

We are still undecided about what to do next and when. We have enough meds for one more, and final, IUI so we might do that in the spring. We are also wanting to persue foster care/adoption.. so we might start those classes in the spring as well. right now, Im at the stage where "ah well, whatever happens,.., nothing has happend yet" that kind of stage. Lol. is there such a thing?? So just keep praying for us that our miracle will be brought to us in such a surprise that I wont even know how to contain myself but w/ prayer-and of course, TONS of tears! Lol.


Okay, I know you have read enough and heard enough of my rants, but like I said.. its my blog-I can say what I want and you can choose to read it or not. :)

My 2010....

2010 was a long and hard and trying year for us. It was also a great year of new and exciting things.

Lets see:

Jan: The start of 2010. IUI #3-failed

Feb: Femara stopped working... a break cycle.

March: Started on injections.
Went to Acquire the Fire
Applied for a new job

April went to my first Skillet concert :)
IUI #4 (back to back)-failed
Travis turned 26 (on Easter Sun)

May: First time EVER on birth control pills... hated them!

June: Turned 26
Celebrated 4 years marriage to Travis :)
MORE shots.
IUI #5-FAILED


July: Femara again-failed
Went to Pigeon Forge and stayed in a cabin for the first time.
Started thinking more and more about adoption
Started a garden

Aug: Injections-again.
First ever egg aspiration.
First time on any type of relaxation med-lol.
IUI #6-failed
Froze 3 eggs for future use.

Sept: Realized we had spent $10,000 in fert treatments *sigh*
Started on progesterone shots
started on estrogen patches, 2 diff kinds.
learned i had slow flowing blood
Never had I ever wanted to punch someone so much when I learned my cycle was messed up

Oct: hardest month of my life
NEVER did I think id experience such heartache, such pain, and such sadness
Thawed out my 3 eggs, and only 1 made it.
Lost my 1 embryo-my baby-on Oct 9, 2010.
Learned what it was like to have my heart ripped out and stomped on.
Learned to draw near to Travis and God.
Learned that Im strong enough and can move on... as hard as it may be.
National Pregnancy and Infant loss day-oct 15-never thought id "participate"
made a huge choice leaving mt Jefferson Baptist, but God needed us elsewhere
Learned who my TRUE friends are.

Nov: Thanksgiving
Provera month
Went to Pigeon Forge/Gatlinburg w/ friends from work.
Went to Dixie Stampede
Acid reflux started-lol

Dec: Went to Nashville
Tennessee Titans game
Country Music Hall of Fame
First big snow
3 and 1/2 years of trying for our miracle... hoping we get a Christmas one.


So that's 2010 in a nutshell.. maybe 2011 will be more interesting?? We shall see. That one is up to God ;-)

Just Because

Just because you work in a hospital doesnt make you a doctor..

just because you go to church, doesnt make you a pastor (or even a Christian at times)

Just because you drive a truck, doesnt make you a trucker...

Just because you read, doesnt make you a teacher..

Just because you are a waiter/waitress, doesnt make you a cook/chef...

Just because you are woman, doesnt make you a mother...

Just because I have no child, doesnt mean I have no life....

Just because Im done trying... doesnt mean I dont still hurt, still cry, still greive...

Just because I lost you... doesnt mean I will forget you.... i will always love you.

Just because I cant get pregnant... doesnt mean I will never be a parent...


Just because I hurt, I cry, I greive... does NOT mean I cant be happy, healthy, and full of life...


Just think about it.