Devotional

Where Is Your Faith?

37And there arose a fierce gale of wind, and the waves were breaking over the boat so much that the boat was already filling up.
38Jesus Himself was in the stern, asleep on the cushion; and they woke Him and said to Him, "Teacher, do You not care that we are perishing?"
39And He got up and rebuked the wind and said to the sea, "Hush, be still." And the wind died down and it became perfectly calm.
Mark 4:37-39

I love a good storm! One of my favorite things to do is to watch a storm howl the crashing waves of an ocean! Give me thunder and lightening! Nothing better than wind whipping your hair in a thousand different directions at once! I’m sure my story would change if I were out in the middle of the water in a little fishing boat, but standing on the balcony of my hotel, I love it!
The disciples didn’t have too many balconies to stand on. Nope. They were right out there, smack dab in the middle of the storms. They were fishermen and they were well accustomed to battling a sudden storm, but this one was quite intense. Everyone manned their stations as they all tried to bring their vessel safely to shore.
Everyone but Jesus.

Where was Jesus? He was asleep! The waves that terrified the disciples literally rocked the Master to sleep! The howling of the storm became His lullaby and the Creator of Heaven and earth rested His holy head on a pillow and went to sleep! Jesus never did anything half-way, so why would you think He only dozed? Maybe He snored and maybe He even slobbered, but I believe Jesus was out like a light! Do you think He dreamed? Perhaps He dreamt of going back to His Father’s house. Maybe His eyes danced beneath slumbering eyelids as He dreamt of the day He’d reunite you and your baby there. Whatever the case was, He simply didn’t worry about the storm.

As they shook their heads trying to gain focus and wiped the water out of their eyes, someone must have stomped over to Jesus, woke Him up and said “Don’t you care if we perish out here? Save us, Jesus! We’re about to drown! Why don’t you care?”

Are you beginning to feel a connection with these rain-soaked sailors? Crying out to a silent sky, begging God to breathe life into your womb is a terrifying experience. As you stand drenched in the storm of frustration and sorrow, grab the side of the boat and hang on. The Master of the Sea just woke up!

I think it’s very interesting that we don’t know who actually woke Jesus up. All three accounts of this story in Scripture say “they came to Him…” or “they woke Him…” Hey, I don’t blame them! Would you want your name to go down in history as the one who woke up Jesus and told Him that you didn’t think He cared enough to save you? I wonder what “they” thought when they stood at Calvary?

Without argument and without delay, Jesus simply got up, looked out over the howling storm, rebuked the winds and said to the sea: “Peace, be still.” (Mark 4:39 KJV) I would love to have been there! Okay, I wouldn’t necessarily want to be thrown from one end of the craft to the other as the storm raged, but I would love to have been there when the storm abruptly ceased! Can you picture it? The waves that were throwing their boat up in the air like a cat tossing a toy are suddenly as quiet and still as glass! The wind that cut through them like a knife is no more. They push their hair out of their eyes and with mouths hanging open take in the expression on Jesus’ face. The howling of the wind has given way to the sound of men gasping in astonishment as they realize the storm is gone. Jesus looks at them and simply asks them, “Where is your faith?” Rain-soaked friend, I ask you the same. Where is your faith?

Is your faith in the hands of the doctors? In spite of training and technology, there are times when medicine fails. Is your faith in money? Money tends to run out, you know. Is your faith in the relationships you’ve forged with others? Precious though they are, some relationships are strained to the breaking point as they weather the storm of infertility or loss. If your faith is anywhere else besides in the Son of God, your faith will fail you. Even if you have placed your faith in your “religion” it may fall. People are fallible. God and His Word are not.

God is trustworthy and He will never abuse your faith or fall short of what He has promised.

mini update

I got an email from my fert nurse and she scheduled my apointment for cd 13, i have a follie scan and the post coital test that day too. so 2 birds w/ one stone. I hate seeing her after i email her and get on her nerves-HAHA. dh says its her job and she's used to it-we'll see. We might even have to make a mini trip out of it. We might have to stay in a hotel. I asked about the iui and the costs-here is what she said : The price of insemination is $360-. You will also have an ultrasound, $145-, and labs, $130-.Then you have the cost of your medications, femara and HCG injection. Hmmm.. we've got the money for that :) I also got a call from the pharmacy, Ascend Pharmacy, and my trigger will be about $45. so that's not too bad (did i say that already-lol) so we'll see. im nervous about the post coital test bc im certain it will be bad but we'll see. We'll see what GOd will do this month :)

Im just ready to get on w/ things. so i will be going May 6th.

WOW

Wow, i just realised its been a while. Nothing new has been going on, but still. lol.

I did get my "monthly" so i am not pregnant this month. I will be doing another month of 7.5mg of femara along w/ more tests (bleh!) and then if May doesnt work, we will be doing IUI in June (I think) Im really really praying that God is going to bless us in May. We will get our Superbowl baby :) ( I decided that im going to get pg and my baby will be due on superbowl sunday and the titans will be playing so travis wont get to watch it-lol) I know its ALL in His hands now, so i have no control.

I will start my meds Sun and then go to Winston in about 2 weeks. We'll see. I know i need better faith, and one of my friends told me that maybe God is trying to teach me patience. Yes, i KNOW im being taught patience-lol. Travis has great faith and is sooo positive. I need some if his faith :)

I will NOT be obssessing this month, so maybe that will help. I need to be more laid back and realise i AM NOT in control-ugh! lol.

I will update ya'll as i go on.

Devotional-Good Friday

Your weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning!
Isaiah 61:3



How good is this “Good Friday” for you?
While the whole world dons new Easter outfits, you find yourself wrapped in different garments. Garments of frustration. Garments of despair. What’s so good about “Good Friday”?
As you examine your own situation, ponder that first, most important, Easter weekend.
Perhaps you are like the disciples were that day. Can you imagine their thoughts? Of course you can. “How can this be happening? How can I possibly surrender the one I love to death? How can I go on without Him? Why couldn’t things have worked out another way?”
The hearts of the disciples broke as they found themselves wrapped in the garment of tears, sewn for them by sorrow’s hand. You may know the feeling. The knot in the back of your throat that chokes your words and fills your mouth with sobs before you even know what happened. Can you relate to these broken men? What was so good about their “Good Friday”? What’s so good about yours?

If we could only reach back in time to tell the disciples to hold on! The greatest tragedy they had ever witnessed was actually the central event of mankind!

Perhaps you are more like the women who went to the tomb to take care of Jesus’ body. Perhaps you are waiting for life to spring forth from a dead womb. The garments of confusion must have nearly choked the life out of them. They searched for life in a tomb. You search for life in a womb. They knew what waiting felt like. So do you! Don’t you know that each step they took toward the tomb that day must have felt like a mile. Just like every month you wait for that baby feels like a year.

Oh, if we could reach back in time and speak to them! A miracle is coming, Martha! Don’t give up! Hold on to your hope, Mary! Things haven’t happened the way you had planned, but you’re gonna love what God is doing!

Before many days passed, things were going to change! These heartbroken, confused men and women would see Jesus triumph over death, hell and the grave! Before many days passed, they would peer gap-jawed into a tomb emptied by the resurrection power of God! Before many days passed, they would see the scars in His hand, feet and side. Before many days passed, He would stand before them, and everything would make sense.

They just had to get through “Good Friday”.

I wonder how many times the angels assigned to their care must have whispered the words God whispered to David’s soul: weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning! (Psalm 30:5). Maybe they heard the angels whispering as leaves were blown along the ground when they sat up all night, confused and heartsick. Another tear fell. Your weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning! Another hour passed, another question unanswered. Your weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning!

When that first Easter Sunday morning finally came, the whole world was changed. Death was conquered! Satan whimpered in defeat! The Son of God really was who He said He was!
As you face your own “Good Friday”, tune your ear to the conversation in the heavenlies. Your weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning! Another period starts. More questions unanswered. Your weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning! Another loss. Another diagnosis. Your weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning! What seems to be your greatest tragedy, may just be the greatest opportunity for God to show Himself strong in your life. Just hold on! Sunday morning is coming!

God hasn’t forgotten your story. He knows when your Sunday will come, and He knows just how to bring that joy to you. Perhaps joy will come wrapped in a baby blanket. Perhaps joy will blanket you with peaceful resolution. He knows that joy will come in your morning. He knows His Son died on Good Friday to make provision for you to spend eternity with Him.

That makes Good Friday really, really good.

Dr Update

Hello. I just wanted to give an update about my dr apointment that i had yesterday, Thur. Well.. i got my ultrasound and the first thing she checked was my uterine lining. it was great at 9.9mm (almost 10mm) so that's really good :) I also only had one follicle on the right :( ugh. i was hoping for more than one. but a "normal" woman only gets one per month anyways... so maybe im becoming normal-lol. I dont remember the exact size, but i think it was around 20 somthing mm. I had some smaller ones on the left and right as well.. she said that there could be a possibility for them to mature and release in time. i dunno though. the right side is the side that dr webb, in boone, thought was blocked when they did the hsg test. but my dr in winston, dr parker, said it was just an air bubble. so im hoping dr parker is correct :) Anyways, i got my trigger shot in my arm and now im just waiting for my Easter blessing :)

I hope that you have a great Easter and remember, that the Lord died for all of us that we might have life :) Its going to be a GREAT month!!! travis is sooo positive, so i need to be as well.

Thanks for ALL your thoughts and prayers and i will keep ya posted ;)

Devotional

The Thorny Path of Infertility
Proverbs 3:5-6


Imagine with me that infertility is really a journey. You stand at the beginning of a path and when you walk to the end of the path, your issues will be resolved. What does this path look like? What will it take to get to the end?
There are many twists and turns. You cannot see if you are at the beginning or nearing the end. You just know you cannot get off this path. You must follow it until it ends.
Look down by your feet. What do you see? You see thorns all around you. Thorns on the right side of the path, thorns on the left side. You see them all alongside the path behind you, and all alongside the path in front of you. If you step on one, the injury would cause great pain and make it harder for you to continue on your journey.
But look! There’s a shortcut! That path has flowers instead of thorns! The only problem is that you must walk through the thorns to reach that path. Oh, the pain those thorns would cause. Is it worth it?
There are so many questions, so many “what if’s” along the path to potential parenthood. Each one is like a thorn in the way.
What if I go the wrong way? What if I get lost? What if I can’t find my way out of the woods?
What if I choose the wrong treatment? What if our savings is lost? What if I can’t find my way back to God after the way I’ve spoken to or about Him? What if there is an adopted child out there to whom I cannot find my way? What if we consent to IVF and it fails? What if my marriage fails? What if there is another diagnosis? What if my husband says ‘no more’? What if I conceive and lose a child? What if we make the wrong choice as to whether to go to a doctor or not? What if…? What if…? What if?
The burden of making so many life-changing decisions in the midst of such stress can be so overwhelming! You gather as much information as you possibly can, yet you still cannot understand the medical jargon or even the financial statements. The pressure is mounting!
You desperately need a guide down this path. Sometimes it is easy to see which way to turn. Other times the thorns are hidden among the foliage and they catch you by surprise. Who can help you navigate this unknown territory?
Let’s go to the third chapter of Proverbs. (KJV)
Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.
Proverbs 3:5-6
Don’t understand exactly what you’re supposed to do? Here’s the good news. You don’t have to! In fact, God tells you not to! Don’t trust in your own understanding. Remember that there are times when your understanding of a situation is not accurate!
Trust God! Trust Him with all your heart! Trust Him with your future, with your body, with your family. He’ll direct you down this path of infertility.

Happy Birthday Travis!!!

Today is my hunny's bday :) He is 25 today!!! We are just hanging around my parents house, not doing much. Im going to attempt to make him a cake that is shaped like a football. i was going to make it last night, but it takes an hr to bake! dang!!!

I appreciate my dear husband sooo much and he's been there for me through EVERYTHING! he is the best husband, and so so supportive. He has been very good through this whole infertility stuff. God has blessed w/ me such a great man, and we've had a great 8 years w/ eachother!! (wow, 8 years together :) )

Please pray for one of my dear friends, she just found out that her beta numbers from her pregnancy arent doubling, and she will miscarry. I know she is at peace w/ it all... but pray that God will give her the courage and strength to carry on. Thank you :)

Have a very blessed day!!

God's Perfect Timing..

** this was in my devotional today that i get in my email inbox***

God’s Perfect Timing

Then the LORD took note of Sarah as He had said, and the LORD did for Sarah as He had promised. So Sarah conceived and bore a son to Abraham in his old age, at the appointed time of which God had spoken to him.Genesis 21:1-2

Is anything too difficult for the Lord? Is the creation of a child in a barren womb too hard for God? No! Is the adoption of a parentless child to the specifically predestined family too hard for God? No! Is a fulfilled, contented happy life without children too hard for God? No! Is peace for the childless couple too hard for God? No! Is God receiving glory through this difficult experience too difficult for God? No!


When Sarah heard the Lord say that she would conceive a child in her old age, she laughed and then denied it when confronted. Why? She was afraid--probably afraid that she had been caught and may have feared the consequences. We all get afraid through our infertility: afraid of the toll on our marriage, relationships with friends and family, afraid of dying a lonely old person with no children or grandchildren, afraid of missing out on the joys of pregnancy or parenting. If fear haunts you, maybe you feel a little like Sarah did. Fear rises when the end of the cycle looms, so we laugh and pretend everything is okay. “Okay, so it didn’t work this month. That’s fine. We have a trip planned anyway. I wouldn’t want to be sick over the holidays.” All the while the fear of holding your child only in your hearts and not in your arms grips you tighter and tighter.


Jump over to Genesis 21:1-2. The time had come. Sarah’s barren womb was about to spring to life! The Lord took note of Sarah as He had said and the Lord did for Sarah as He had promised. God gave them Isaac at the appointed time. This is such a beautiful example of God’s ultimate wisdom. He knew the absolute, exact time that Isaac needed to be conceived. Not one day early, not even one month too late.
But Sarah was 90! Wasn’t that too late? Not even one millisecond! God knew exactly what child would be conceived each and every cycle. He knew exactly when to allow conception to occur to achieve His perfect plan. Through Abraham and Isaac’s lineage came the earthly family of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Look at the people affected by Isaac! What if he had been born to Abraham and Sarah in their 20s and 30s when they probably felt he should have been? That child would not have been the same person! Everything would have been different!


Perhaps that’s what God is waiting on with you and your family. Perhaps He’s waiting on just the right time to bring just the right child into your womb. Perhaps He’s waiting for just the right adoption to go through to bring just the exact child He has planned for you to love, nurture and raise in your heritage. Perhaps He’s waiting until just the right time to give you the peace you need to know that its okay to stop trying. Whatever His plan, as He reveals to you what you need, you can rest in the assurance that His plans are perfect, His timing is impeccable, and His heart and love for you are unfathomable