uh... duh..

(those are the words that come to mind when I stare at this page-haha)

So... I know, I know, I have been a bad blogger. In all honsety-Idk what to write. I have sat here numerous times and just looked at this trying to think of what to type here.


And it came to me...

Its my blog, my thoughts, my rants, my wants, my hopes and my fears, so I can write whatever I dang well please :)


Soo... since Christmas is in a couple of days. I thought Id write about what my family is doing for Christmas/New Years this year.

For Christmas Eve Travis and I are going to his parents house and we eat a Brunch there. Then we are headed to church around 6 and do a communion service there. Then we head to my parents and we have a seafood dinner :) YUM. i cant wait!!! Then we head home. On Christmas day we are supposed to have breakfast at our house, but not if we dont get any propane before then(we are almost out-on the red) Then we will hang around the house a while and then off to my parents for Lasagna. :) YUM. The day after we do the Gilley Christmas get-together. It will be a fun, and tiring day.

This Christmas is a little harder for me. I have lost somthing very precious to me that I cant get back-i have lost my baby. I know that he is up in Heaven w/ God and just having a grand ol time w/ all his friends and causing tons of trouble. But I want my baby here on earth w/ me. I want him to be growing in me, bc that's where he was supposed to be. I know that God needed him more than I do-so I will have to just let that fact go... my baby is gone. (and no, I didnt know the gender of my baby-but I have always felt that I would have a boy first.)

Im praying hard for a Christmas/New Years miracle (hint hint), and our baby will be just that-a miracle. I know ALL babies are miracles, but ours will really be one. 1) I dont ovulate, 2)I have endometriosis, 3) I have a hostile cervix and that kills off all sperm that enter, 4) We have been trying for 4 years (almost) and have never gotten pregnant naturally-or "un-natural" for that matter. It will really be a true miracle from God if I were to get pregnant "on my own". and who knows how my body will handle a pregnancy.... we'll see and we will leave it all up to God when the time comes, if the time comes. But im really praying and trusting God for one. (hint hint)

We are still undecided about what to do next and when. We have enough meds for one more, and final, IUI so we might do that in the spring. We are also wanting to persue foster care/adoption.. so we might start those classes in the spring as well. right now, Im at the stage where "ah well, whatever happens,.., nothing has happend yet" that kind of stage. Lol. is there such a thing?? So just keep praying for us that our miracle will be brought to us in such a surprise that I wont even know how to contain myself but w/ prayer-and of course, TONS of tears! Lol.


Okay, I know you have read enough and heard enough of my rants, but like I said.. its my blog-I can say what I want and you can choose to read it or not. :)