Ready? Set? GO!!!!

So.. i started my dreaded period this morning :( bleh! but im Ready for the next step!!! So that's a plus! i dont know when my apointment is going to be yet. We will be doing the Femara for 4 days and then the ultrasound and the trigger, then we'll be doing the IUI sometime. Im sooo excited!!! I get my baby soon!!! :) YAY! lol. Im really hoping and praying each and every day that this is ALL in God's will. I feel as though sometimes im going against God's will by doing artificial means, but we'll see. Maybe not :) Thanks for all the prayers!

I will keep ya posted on things. Im scared, excited, nervous, anxious, sooo sooo excited all at one time :) We'll see :)

So maybe in July or August i will get to make a big announcement :)

Strep Throat

So... I got strep throat! Why cant i ever get better??? lol. It started off with just a slight earache and then turned into horrible horrible fatigue, and then a horrible sore throat. so i went to the dr on Sat and he said it was strep. ugh. ive sat around all day yesterday and all day today.

On another note.. i went to the dr Friday and had some labs ran. I wont know the results for a while though, but i will update when i get them. They ran a couple tests, a CA 125 (i think) and a progesterone and somthing else.

On another note, i thought about writting a diary for my baby... but i dont know how lame that sounds. what do ya'll think? lol. I want to do a sort of a keepsake for my future baby/babies. we'll see...

Mother's Day poem for those with infertility

I Will Be A Wonderful Mother - By: Author Unknown

There are women who become mothers without effort,
without thought,without patience or loss,
and though they are good mothers and love their children,
I know that I will be better.

I will be better not because of genetics or money or because I have read more books,
but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.
I have longed and waited.
I have cried and prayed.
I have endured and planned over and over again.
Like most things in life,
the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.
I will notice everything about my child.
I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore, and discover.
I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.
I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child,
knowing that I can comfort, hold,
and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature,
pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream.
My dream will be crying for me.
I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight,
this special vision with which I will look upon my child.
Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to,
I will not be careless with my love.
I will be a better mother for all that I have endured.
I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter,
neighbor, friend, and sister because I have known pain.
I know disillusionment, as I have been betrayed by my own body.
I have been tried by fire and hell that many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.
I have prevailed.
I have succeeded.
I have won.

So now,
when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort.
I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.
I listen.
And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely.
I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine,
of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth when life is beyond hard.
I have learned a compassion that only comes by walking in those shoes.
I have learned to appreciate life.

Yes, I will be a wonderful mother.

on my way...

So my test today came back bad, like Wed. So... if im not pregnant this month, iui here we come! im really hoping im pg but if im not-then we'll be moving onto the next step. We'll see how God is going to work it out!

I go next Friday for some more tests. this time to check for endo and pelvic adhesions, so we'll see.

I appreciate all your prayers :)

my dr apointment

Okay-so i went all the way to winston and had my post coital test and then a follicle scan, including my trigger shot.

Good news and hmmm.. maybe not so good news.

Good news is that i had 2 follicles. one was about 20mm and one was about 30mm. so i triggered. my uterine lining was about 10mm.. and that's great! the biggest follicle was getting hazy so that meant that i was going to ovulate soon... but the trigger allows them both to release (so my nurse said-lol) but that's the good news :)

the maybe not so good news is that she didnt see any sperm with my post coital test (they checked my "stuff" to see how hostile it is) well, it was too thick (TMI HERE) so i go back on Friday around 11:30 to see if it got any thinner, which she is hoping for.. as am i. so we'll be doing the post coital test again on Friday (if you want more detail info, just google it bc i dont want to go into details on what they do and what they check-lol)

I trust in God and that He knows what He is doing :)

Ummm heck no.

Well, i got my Injections on Friday and all i gotta say is heck no! haha. Im hoping i can trigger on Wed so that way my nurse can give me the shot :) I have my follicle scan on Wed at 11:30 and the post coital test that day as well. We'll see. Im very anxious and very excited to see what God is going to do in our lives this month!! I am MUCH MUCH calmer this time around-so we'll see.

I want to do somthing good for people, id really like to start a group in Ashe County for infertility and child loss. i dont know how though. Hmm. Its just a desire i guess. There are SOOOO many people that i know of personally who have gone, are going through or will go through infertility. there are so many women who are also having numerous losses-or just one. we all are in this boat together, bc i found out that one miscarriage makes you "infertile". so i dont know. We'll see what i decide to do. Some people dont like to talk about it to others, and like to keep to themselves, so i dont know. i dont want to put anyone in a bad position-ya know?

On another note, i decided to get creative and make curtains out of placemats. haha (not the plastic ones) they are the cloth ones and just small like a valance. they arent done yet, but i will post a pic when they are :)

God's Plan

Good Plans

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Jeremiah 29:11

However your infertility is resolved, God has promised all of us some things. Lo, I am with you always...With you when the pregnancy test is negative, when everyone you know has children, when well meaning people offer stupid advice. He’s also there cheering with you in the good times when unbelievably there are two beautiful pink lines instead of just one, when the thought of throwing up actually thrills you to death! Psalm 126:5 says Those who sow in tears shall reap with joyful shouting. Notice it does not say, “Those who sow in tears shall reap with joyful shouting, but only when their prayers are answered exactly as they planned.” He promises to be with us through pleasure and pain, through infertility, pregnancies, miscarriages, adoptions, good times and bad. The Lord took note of Sarah and did for her what He promised. He’ll do for you what He’s promised. Period.

Jeremiah 29:11 says, For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (NIV) God placed within you baby hunger. He knows at this moment how it will resolve. He knows if you’re pregnant as you sit there and you just don’t realize it yet. He knows if you will conceive but it’s not the appointed time yet. He knows if you will adopt and, if so, He knows which child and exactly what that child is doing right now. He knows if you’ll never conceive. He knows the plan He has for your life and His plan is good. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future.

But God, how can my life and my future be good and complete until I have a baby? How in the world can it be good at all if I never have a baby? Remember what God said to Sarah when she doubted Him? Is anything too difficult for the Lord? Trust Him today--right now. Perhaps you’ve never had to trust Him the way you have to now. Trust Him with your heart, your body, your relationships, and your family. Trust Him with your emotions. Trust Him with your future.