Results

Good things.. bad things.. what is to come out of all of this??

Today my hsg results came out good and they came out bad... Good bc i have one open tube, bad bc i have a blocked one :( My right side is blocked... completly. It hurt really bad during the procedure and the GYN said that is probably bc my left side had some blockages and that the dye unblocked it :) Soooo that's a good thing. I was very upset afterwards, i had my good cry... went into denial.. cried some more... prayed some. and then now im in shock. what are the stages of greif again? lol. If youre interested in seeing what my hsg results look like-here is an example.. these ARE NOT Mine... http://64.143.176.9/library/healthguide/en-us/support/topic.asp?hwid=zm6047 My UTERUS looks like the first pic... but my tubes look like the second (Except reversed bc my right is blocked) My GYN said that most likely the fert dr will do the injections and the iui... so we'll see. I go on Feb 9 and im just waiting... waiting on God to work His miralces :) So please continue to pray for us :)

HSG scheduled

My HSG test is being done on Tue at 12:00. Please be praying... im really nervous. I know that this ALL is in God's hands and He will watch over us :) Thanks

Our house will also be appraised Tue afternoon :)

YES!!!!

YES! My period has finally come :) Who knew id be so excited as to see it! lol. I will be scheduling my HSG for sometime next week so that means things are on a roll :)

Our house will also be appraised sometime at the begining of the week so we can do our refinancing and we will save about $300 a month! AMEN! lol.

We will be busy cleaning and getting everything ready for that-so we'll see how things go. I will have to post pics when im done.

Poem

This is a poem someone sent to me a year or 2 ago. I found it gave me strength at times when I needed it.
I Will Be A Wonderful Mother - By: Author Unknown


There are women who become mothers without effort,without thought,without patience or loss, and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better.

I will be better not because of genetics or money or because I have read more books, but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.

I have longed and waited.

I have cried and prayed.

I have endured and planned over and over again.

Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.

I will notice everything about my child.

I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore, and discover.

I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.

I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold, and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream.

My dream will be crying for me.

I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child.

Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love.

I will be a better mother for all that I have endured.

I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend, and sister because I have known pain.

I know disillusionment, as I have been betrayed by my own body.

I have been tried by fire and hell that many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.

I have prevailed.

I have succeeded.

I have won.

So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort.

I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.

I listen.

And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely.

I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth when life is beyond hard.

I have learned a compassion that only comes by walking in those shoes.

I have learned to appreciate life.

Yes, I will be a wonderful mother.

Hmmm Just a thought

Travis and I have been thinking about doing Foster Care. I really would like to do it one day, incase we ever have to adopt... we'd be one step closer. But i dont know. We will probably take the class, and get prepared but not accept a child until we have our own. I know that may sound selfish but we just cant get a child and know that there would be a great possibility that we could have more than one child. It'd be too hard for us.. and we cant say-sorry, send that child to another home.

We'll see. We will continue to pray about it and see where God leads us :)

Other than that-nothing else. Im VERY nervous about 2 apointments coming up and cant wait to get started on what is next :) Keep us in your prayers!

Dr Update!!!

Well, i tested this morn and it was negative (of course) so i started the provera today and will take it for 10 days. then when i get my period i will go on my 5th day to get the hsg done. So that is that plan. Well, come to find out-there are 3 other people off the calendar at work and that isnt allowed! i had my apointment first and i knew no one would move theirs, so i called to see if they had like a day or 2 sooner. well they had feb 4th. so i called travis and he said-yeah, go for it.. its just w/ the nurse. so i made my apt for feb 4th. well, i was working (about 3 hrs later) and the receptionist calls back and said that she made my apointment w/ the wrong nurse-lol. so she said how about feb 9. so i said okay.. then she goes on to say since its a fert apointment i need to make my apointment w/ the RE 2 weeks after my apointment w/ the fertility nurse.... so... my apt w/ the RE is now Feb 23. so i go feb 9th and feb 23. lol. yay for me:) and it was totally not planned to go that early-but travis said its okay. so that's my new apointment schedule. lol so i have a gyn apt Jan 27, a dentist apt Feb 4, a nurse apt Feb 9 and a RE apt Feb 23. and sometime in there an apt for the hsg. LOL. im busy now (thank you God!) lol

PMS for a week and half!!!?!?!?

Now, who ever invented the phrase PMS doesnt really know what it means. It means pre-menstrual syndrome-PRE! Pre means before, well.. a couple days before but not a WEEK and a HALF!!!! ugh!!! lol. I mean, i have been soooooo grouchy. My poor Travis! So now im just waiting for my dreaded period to come

As for other news, nothing really. We got some good snow for the past few days and school has been cancelled so our numbers at daycare were low... but still CRAZY!!! God, give me the courage and strength to make it through :)

Since having infertility and pcos, i look at people differently... ya know? I mean, i see these teenagers who are pg w/ like their 2nd or 3rd.. or even 4th baby! that just aggrivates me and i know it shouldnt. These people are YOUNGER than me, dont even WANT a baby, cant even TAKE CARE of a baby-so why cant i have one. Im old enough, i want one and i CAN take care of one :) We'll see.. I need to be patient and know that God is taking care of us :)

Happy Birthday Bob!

We had a party today for my brother Bobby :) it was a very fun day! We played alot of games, ate taco salad and ate cake. It was great!! We had alot of people there (well, not a ton but quit a few) I cant believe that my little brother is 22 now!!! (heck, i cant believe i'll be 25 in June!!) It was a nice night though-kept my mind off of alot of things that i needed to not think about ;)

So.. that is how we spent the weekend-well Sunday at least-lol. We didnt do anything yesterday really (at least i dont remember-haha)

Oh!

Oh.. i was going to post my results from my medical records so that everyone can see how my hormones are screwed up-lol.

LH: 4.1 (4-10 is normal)
FSH: 5.0 (5-10 is normal)
TSH: 1.47 (.4-4.0 is normal)
PRL: (prolactin) 32.4 (3-20 is normal) thats why im on meds for it.
DHEAS: 225 (35-430 is normal)
TESTOS: 44 (total testosterone) (60-130 is normal) so i guess mine is low?
SHBG: 16 (18-114 is normal)
FAI: 9.534 (normal is 3-10)
INS: 18 (normal 1.4-14) again, thats why im on metformin.

Cycle 1: Femara 7.5mg on cd's 5-9 resulted in 2 follicles sized 18mm and 19mm
Cycle 2: Femara 7.5mg on cd's 5-9 resulted in 2 follicles sized 27mm and 28mm and hcg trigger shot
Cycle 3: Femara 7.5mg on cd's 5-9 resulted in 3 follicles sized 18mm, 19mm and 23mm and hcg trigger shot.

Soo.. all 3 cycles resulted in nothing. We'll keep praying and keep going :)

My thoughts for today

I guess i am too stressed. I think too much. I dont know why-lol.

I have been thinking alot of what ifs...

What if i never get pg
What if the hsg comes back bad
What if we go broke getting a baby.

just stuff like that.

Ive been thinking alot about taxes lately for some reason-lol. I dont know why. I am trying to decide if i want to itemize or not. if anyone can give me tips on that-let me know bc i really dont know what that means-lol.

God knows why im made like this-crazy-so i just have to trust that it will all be okay :)

I cant believe the winter holidays are over, and now we dont get off of work until April!!! ugh. Hopefully in April i will be hearing some really good news that i can share w/ everyone :)

Thats all.. nothing else.

Welcome!

Welcome to my new blog! I actually had one a while back, but i didnt post much on it. I just wanted to create a place where i can post my frustrations, thoughts, desires, and hopes. This is the start of a very good 2009 and a very blessed year.

For those who dont know... my husband Travis and I are currently trying to have a baby. Its been a very rough road in the making and i hope for it to be over very soon. We will start fertility treatments back in Feb 09... so pray for us.

I hope you enjoy this blog :)