update

I guess i thought id update this blog since i havent since June 7. lol.

the iui that we did in June did not work :( Its okay bc i guess it wasnt Gods time. We did another round of femara and had our 2nd iui on July 4th. i thought since it was independence day-we'd be lucky :( nope, no such luck. that 2nd iui failed as well. (i just found out last week) so we are waiting now. I have talked w/ my nurse and i go July 27 for a lap consult. I will have to have a laparoscopy done to go into my insides and look around for endometriosis. Its my impression that if they find any-they burn it off. and they do somthing w/ the cysts that i have as well. Like ive said, since the begining of this ttc process (2 years ago) that when its God's time, it WILL happen. He would NOT give me such a strong desire if it wasnt meant to be. Im very nervous for the surgery, but if its what needs to be done, then that's fine w/ me. I think we will do one more iui before moving on.. im not sure though.

hmm anything else new? oh yea, i decided to go back to school at wilkes and take a few classes. nothing major but a couple of social services classes. i needed somthing to take my mind of trying for a baby-and i thought that would help. plus if we decide to become foster parents, maybe it will help with that later? i dont know.. somthing new i guess.

that's about all. i thought id update this blog since its been so long!!!

New news

Well, Travis and I did the IUI on Friday, June 5th :) Im excited. We had 2 mature follicles-19mm and 21mm. so its highly likely that they both released eggs. im very nervous but feel at such a peace with things :) If this month doesnt work out, then the Lord has a better time for us. I will be okay. We have enough saved for about 2-3 more rounds of IUI but i really hope i dont have to do that.

Last i talked to my nurse, my CA125 levels were elevated which signaled slight endometriosis, so my dr may suggest LAP surgery to correct it-eick! so im really hoping he doesnt suggest that!!! Also, trav's tests came back borderline, so he will have to start on a multivitamin to correct it-no biggie :) So we're just trucking right along, hoping to get a positive out of this cycle.

Like i posted on my facebook, for the first time in 2 years of trying to have a baby-i feel at peace about all of this. sort of like God saying-okay, this is it :) If not, then i will still be okay. i know that may sound dumb to some people but to feel at peace about somthing is GREAT!!!

So besides that, nothing new :)
Travis and I watched our niece and nephew yesterday (sat) and it was so fun :) I cant wait!!! Lillian is 4 and Jonah is about 9 mths. they are so fun and i love them to death! I love spoiling them too-until we have our own, they get all the lovin :) It was a TON of fun, but man, we were sooo tired!!!

Today (Sun) we went to our friends house to eat out w/ them. it was alot of fun and im sooo greatful for such good friends :) right now, we're at my parents house :)

I just thought id update my blog and let ya'll know what is new news around here-lol. God is doing such great and wonderful things in our lives!!!

Ready? Set? GO!!!!

So.. i started my dreaded period this morning :( bleh! but im Ready for the next step!!! So that's a plus! i dont know when my apointment is going to be yet. We will be doing the Femara for 4 days and then the ultrasound and the trigger, then we'll be doing the IUI sometime. Im sooo excited!!! I get my baby soon!!! :) YAY! lol. Im really hoping and praying each and every day that this is ALL in God's will. I feel as though sometimes im going against God's will by doing artificial means, but we'll see. Maybe not :) Thanks for all the prayers!

I will keep ya posted on things. Im scared, excited, nervous, anxious, sooo sooo excited all at one time :) We'll see :)

So maybe in July or August i will get to make a big announcement :)

Strep Throat

So... I got strep throat! Why cant i ever get better??? lol. It started off with just a slight earache and then turned into horrible horrible fatigue, and then a horrible sore throat. so i went to the dr on Sat and he said it was strep. ugh. ive sat around all day yesterday and all day today.

On another note.. i went to the dr Friday and had some labs ran. I wont know the results for a while though, but i will update when i get them. They ran a couple tests, a CA 125 (i think) and a progesterone and somthing else.

On another note, i thought about writting a diary for my baby... but i dont know how lame that sounds. what do ya'll think? lol. I want to do a sort of a keepsake for my future baby/babies. we'll see...

Mother's Day poem for those with infertility

I Will Be A Wonderful Mother - By: Author Unknown

There are women who become mothers without effort,
without thought,without patience or loss,
and though they are good mothers and love their children,
I know that I will be better.

I will be better not because of genetics or money or because I have read more books,
but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.
I have longed and waited.
I have cried and prayed.
I have endured and planned over and over again.
Like most things in life,
the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.
I will notice everything about my child.
I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore, and discover.
I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.
I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child,
knowing that I can comfort, hold,
and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature,
pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream.
My dream will be crying for me.
I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight,
this special vision with which I will look upon my child.
Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to,
I will not be careless with my love.
I will be a better mother for all that I have endured.
I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter,
neighbor, friend, and sister because I have known pain.
I know disillusionment, as I have been betrayed by my own body.
I have been tried by fire and hell that many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.
I have prevailed.
I have succeeded.
I have won.

So now,
when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort.
I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.
I listen.
And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely.
I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine,
of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth when life is beyond hard.
I have learned a compassion that only comes by walking in those shoes.
I have learned to appreciate life.

Yes, I will be a wonderful mother.

on my way...

So my test today came back bad, like Wed. So... if im not pregnant this month, iui here we come! im really hoping im pg but if im not-then we'll be moving onto the next step. We'll see how God is going to work it out!

I go next Friday for some more tests. this time to check for endo and pelvic adhesions, so we'll see.

I appreciate all your prayers :)

my dr apointment

Okay-so i went all the way to winston and had my post coital test and then a follicle scan, including my trigger shot.

Good news and hmmm.. maybe not so good news.

Good news is that i had 2 follicles. one was about 20mm and one was about 30mm. so i triggered. my uterine lining was about 10mm.. and that's great! the biggest follicle was getting hazy so that meant that i was going to ovulate soon... but the trigger allows them both to release (so my nurse said-lol) but that's the good news :)

the maybe not so good news is that she didnt see any sperm with my post coital test (they checked my "stuff" to see how hostile it is) well, it was too thick (TMI HERE) so i go back on Friday around 11:30 to see if it got any thinner, which she is hoping for.. as am i. so we'll be doing the post coital test again on Friday (if you want more detail info, just google it bc i dont want to go into details on what they do and what they check-lol)

I trust in God and that He knows what He is doing :)