Hopeless.... or Hopeful?

The title says it all. Lol.

I did not get pregnant this month. It was a negative blood test and to top it all off, the morning of my blood test I started my period. Yay me-lol. My nurse would have been out of town the time of my iui period this month, so I am on birth control pills for 5 weeks and then I will start up again in June. I will do Follistim 150iu this time and do another iui midcycle (not sure if we will do another double one or not)

Its a very upsetting thing to hear... youre not pregnant. But in the end, its all part of God's wonderful and exciting plan....

Tick-Tock...

Goes the clock...

And now the wait begins....

The 2nd IUI went great today! My nurse called me this evening and told me that progesterone levels between .8-3.0 indicates ovulation. Mine was 1.8. So we did the iui at the perfect time! Yay!!! I start my progesterone supplements tomorrow morning. I take one pill (vaginally-ugh!) in the morning and one before bed. Not looking forward to that, but gotta do what I gotta do :)

So now, I just wait... and wait and wait...

Back to Back

IUI's that is...

Im home from my iui (well, not home-we're at the hotel) Its a good thing that we got a hotel bc we have to be back tomorrow at 11 for another iui. She said my progesterone wasnt exactly what she wanted, but very close. she said-she's not saying that the iui from today didnt work though, she just wants to be cautious bc of all the $$ that went into this cycle, and time. I am to start Prometrium tomorrow night, or fri night, i dont remember-lol. but im soo scared that this isnt going to work-but sooo hopeful that it will. All in God's hands and nothing I can do about it. Right now Im resting and drinking lots of water...

That's all about that. Im very crampy-but I know that is a good thing... swim spermies :) Lol. Im praying very hard that this works!!!!

Im going to go nap..

Clarification...

Just to clarify...

Im NOT pregnant... that was a pic of my follicle (that houses the egg) NOT of a baby :) Just to let everyone know.

And those who have facebook... the "growth" I was talking about were about my follicles growing :)


Just so ya'll know :) Lol

Drumroll please.......

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I went to the dr today and I had another ultrasound and bloodwork.... and I had a 19mm follicle, a 15mm follicle and 3-14mm follicles. YAY!!!! My lining was 10mm. so that's great!!! I have to take my trigger at 3am Tue and then we go in on Wed for the iui. Im sooo excited and just know this is it!!! God, let this be it :) My nurse commented on how proud she was that I stuck it through and that I had enough strength to continue :) yay me!

She gave me a pic of my 19mm follie for my future baby book :) YAY!

Here it is... my 19mm follicle :) LOL.




ah yes, and here is my lovely battle scar from my bandage :( ugh!!!

Skillet/Toby Mac concert

Last night I went w/ Travis, my parents, my brother and his friend to see Skillet and Toby Mac. It was awesome! I really enjoyed it!! It was soo great to get away and just let go (I sang and danced-lol)

Here are some pics...







O yes, and lets not forget... I had to do another 150iu of Bravelle and this is the lovely place that I had to do it in :) This def HAS to work!!! Lol.

Please...

**Please.. when you get the urge to tell me you know how I feel... think first..

Have you had your heart ripped out of your chest and torn apart? Because every month when I get a negative pg test-that's how I feel.

Have you had your intestines and stomach twisted and turned?? Because everytime I drive to the dr for an ultrasound, that's how I feel.

Have you had your stomach poked with needles and sting for a couple of minutes each day? Because every shot I do, that's how I feel.

Have you ever had your eyes so puffy from crying that you cant see straight or your head pounding so hard from crying? Because everytime I hear from the nurse "Im sorry youre follicles arent growing" that's how I feel.

Have you ever had your ovaries feel like they are going to burst or your back break? Because every month... that's how I feel.

Have you ever just wanted somthing soo much that you make yourself sick and exhausted? Becuase that's how I feel.





Please... dont tell me to just adopt and I will get pregnant... bc I will not.

Please... dont tell me to "just not think about it" .... wanting a baby is the hardest thing to "not think about"

Please... Dont tell me that Im lucky because I get to sleep all night... Id wake up to a crying baby any day!

Please... Dont tell me its not my fault... becuase then whose fault is it?




Sorry if I offended anyone... but I needed to get that off my chest...

And it continues....

So I thought that Id update how my dr apointment from Friday went.

Again, I had no growth :( My nurse drew blood and then called back Friday afternoon and said to continue 150iu Friday night, Sat night and Sun night. I am to come back on Monday for another ultrasound. Im praying sooo hard for big follicles bc I dont konw how much more of this I can take. Its a good thing that God knows what He's doing! I know that this is all in His plan... and I just have to have faith and trust in Him. Thanks for the coninuous prayers and I will keep you posted!!

And it continues....

...... #15 of injections was tonight. UGH!!! And WHEN do I get patience??? Lol.

I had another ultrasound today, and it showed, again, no growth. UGH!! I thought I saw some growth on the right bc there were 12mm and 11mm (2 I think) and last time, there wasnt any that were measurable. My nurse drew blood and told me that she'd talk to my dr and get back to me. She did get back to me. They want me to do 150iu tonight, 150iu tomorrow night and 150iu on Thur night. I go back Friday morn for yet another ultrasound. Yay me. I just am praying and hoping that God will bless us this month-that this is the month. That Ive waited all this time for this miracle to happen :)

Needless to say, Im excited, nervous, scared, anxious. Most of all, Im ready to get the show on the road. I am hoping that the ultrasound on Friday is GREAT and that we can do the IUI this month... hopefully Sunday. Although Sunday wouldnt be the best bc we have a Skillet/Toby Mac concert that evening. Anything for my baby/babies though :)

After my apointment Travis and I went to paly golf. It was a nice time to get to spend together. I really enjoyed it.

Moving On Up.....

...... to 150 iu that is. Lol. I had a dr apointment this morning and I am being bumped on up to 150 iu instead of 75 iu that I was on. I still had 2-3 follicles, but no growth from the other day :( I had a 14mm, 12mm, and 11mm. She is hoping my 14mm and 12mm grow to be big so we can trigger and do iui!! I too am hoping for that!! We'll see... Many prayers for these next coming days and that the 150iu works!!!

12 days of injections.....

This is what 12 days of injections look like.... enjoy :)

Day 13 Update

Today was day 13 of my cycle(Well, yesterday) I had a dr apointment in Winston. It went pretty good :)

All together I had as follows. I had 1-14mm, 3-12mm, 2-11mm, and about 5-10mm and under. My lining was about 7mm and I go back tomorrow (Sunday, day 15) for another ultrasound scan. I was to do my shot again last night and tonight. I hope and pray that I dont need to do my shots anymore bc after tonight I will only have 3 left!! Eick! I really dont want to order more, and we cant really afford that :-/. So I hope and pray that God is going to work His mighty plan this time around!!!

I know that people are praying, and I appreciate it so much!! I know the power of prayer is mighty and God does hear our prayers!! He will come through-in His time. I am praying so hard that this will be His month, because after this one, I dont know how much more we can afford (and God knows that).

Easter is the time for miracles... and Im hoping and praying that tomorrow I will get mine:)

OMG OMG OMG

Can it be?!?!?!!?















HAHA-nah... April Fools!!!

See.. I couldnt even do an April Fools pg joke bc everyone knows my cycle! haha (there isnt anything wrong w/ that-i dont mind.... i was tired of keeping it all a secret!)

Dr apointment tomorrow :)

yay!!!