Well... No baby for me :(

Hello

Sadly to say it was a bfn Im sad, but I was expecting it. So... onto the next thing. My nurse was very upset for me, which made me feel good. Im to call her on day 1 and I go for a day 3 ultrasound to make sure I dont have cysts. If i do have them, then I am to start on bc pills for July (which is fine, bc we'll be out of town July 12-16 and the nurse will be until the 19) then if I dont have cysts (which Im hoping for) Im to do the Femara and timed bding. I just wanted to try it maybe once more in July. Then IF that doesnt work in July (or I have to do the bc pills) then I am going to do injections w/ iui again. She said they give people 3-4 cycles, up to 5, on the same medication before moving on to somthing more, such as IVF. She said the decision is basically up to me. I want to get more info on ivf and the costs. I know they dont do ivf there, so I have to go to a "partner" clinic. We'll see. She said that personally, she doesnt feel that Im ready for ivf. (financially and physically) she said she'd feel confident in doing 1-2 more injects w/ iui (which I see where she is coming from) She wants to help me to produce more than the 1 follicle. Sooo... for our plan is the bc pills or femara for July and Follistim/IUI in Aug. Praying for somthing to happen. In the meantime, Im researching ivf stuff. I found a few places that have grants, but (I may just be leary) but they ask for like my ins info, and my bank info (not account number, just amounts we make and such) I print off the papers and mail to the company... does that seem safe to ya'll? Lol. I want to try-but Im afraid for people to get my info-haha. I have emailed a few people about ivf studies. I will def have to travel to do anything though.


Well.. id better get to bed, sorry I dont have better news :(

Today is Sunday... Tomorrow is Monday...

Then Tue...


Then Wed...



Af is due Wed. soooo we wait..

and wait

and wait some more.

That's about new that's going on w/ me.

June 24, 2006

If your confused on the title... that's what this post is about.

That day-4 years ago-was our wedding day :)

I married my best friend 4 years ago (Im a couple days late in writting this) We have been through alot in 4 years. The hardest thing we have had to go through as a couple is infertility. Its the hardest, yet best thing that we could go through. It has brought us closer to eachother, to God and to our families. We have learned better communication with ourselves, eachother, and God. Its a very difficult thing and I pray that no one has to endure that. Other than that.. we have been through alot... good and bad, sickness and health...

* Went to OuterBanks (our honeymoon)
* Funeral for his grandfather
* First Christmas together.
* My first "illness" as a married couple, the stomach bug..
* Bought a new car(2 actually)
* Moved in together, this was big for me, since I came from my parents house
* Bought a house
* Got a cat-our baby
* Had heartache
* Went to Pigeon Forge
* Went to Myrtle Beach
* Went to Nashville to a Titans game
* Learned eachothers faults-lol. (we both have alot)

I know there is more, and I could go on forever. I know God has blessed me w/ such a Godly man who is going to be a great father :)

Noah and the Ark

The rainbow I had posted about reminds of the story of Noah and the ark. How God had sent a rainbow to show Noah and his family, that He will never leave them (this is my interpretation of it-lol)

Here is the bible verse that I found to go along w/ it...

Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth.”Genesis 9:16


and in honor of the rainbows... im trying to find a new background. God will never leave me and everything WILL be okay!

songs

Here are a couple of songs that I feel as an inspiration to me lately.

This one is called Jesus Calling by 33 miles. Everytime I went to the dr, this song would be on the radio. I love the part that says "Its okay, youre not alone. you may be scared to death, but I wont let you go"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zgLqvQ0Z2w4&feature=related

This is another song that would always play while we were traveling to and from dr apointments.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iN_DMuahD5o

Here are a couple more that just have a great message that touch my heart everytime I listen to them...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uHdcyue0bSw
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bb7TSGptd3Y
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pO6DXOsKOw4

mixed emotions...

Today I have alot of mixed emotions about things. I have been reading some blogs about adoption and watching some you tube videos and im just bawling. I know that this month isnt over, but I just feel that ONE DAY-maybe not today, but one day we are meant to adopt. I dont know when, but I dont think its now. I dont think that God's time is now but one day.

In other news, I meant to share this with you readers. I have been thinking alot about my faith and trust in God. And when I think about it, this is the Bible verse that keeps popping into my head : For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

God KNOWS the plans for our lives. He will give us hope and a future... who knows what-only God.

The other night, the night before our iui we were walking into Wal-Mart in Winston and I was just sooo nervous for the next morning. I was just thinking "God, a sign would be nice right about now" and lo and behold I look up in the sky and see this:



and it was just soo weird bc at that moment i felt peace. Sure, this month might not be THE ONE, but whatever reason, its God's time. and I know that Im at peace w/ what may or may not happen. I know some people dont believe in "signs" but I feel that God speaks to us in ways that we cant even imagine. May it be through song, an image on the computer or tv, a person that we dont even know who tells us somthing bc God spoke to them, a feeling in our heart, a cool breeze out of nowhere, or a rainbow. God speaks to us in different ways.....

So for these next couple of weeks, I ask this... just pray... bc God knows the desire on our hearts and He knows what the plans for our life is.

IUI

IUI number.... umm... 7 I think (total) was done yesterday! :) YAY!!! I hope and pray that this is it!! Everything went great. The timing was perfect and we didnt have to go back for another. And now I wait. I hate this part but i know that ultimatly the end result is what is in God's plan. God WILL bless us when its His time. Im just praying that this is it :)

Other than that.... nothing much. im feeling pretty crampy and sore. they had to straighten out my cervix-:-/ however they had to do it-lol. so maybe that helped? idk. but im praying..

I know that everyone who reads this is praying-and I really appreciate it!

Day 13 ultrasound

I forgot to update yesterday from my Day 13 ultrasound.

Travis took me because it was a Sun. I had 2 follicles. Hmm.. idk what happend to the other 9-lol. I had a 14mm, and an 11mm. My lining was great at like 10mm. Im sooo excited and cant wait! I just know that God will do somthing wonderful this month!!! My dr bumped my meds up to 150iu instead of 75iu. I did my last shot of the Gonal F last night, and then did my first shot of the Follistim tonight. It went great. The Follistim was burning just a little, but not too bad. Im sooo excited. I just hope that God will bless us soon-but ultimatly its in His time.

My birthday is on Wed, so I will be sooo excited to do the IUI on my bday!!! What a great bday present God will give us :)

Other than that. We've been real busy with Bible school this week. Heather and I are "head" over it so we're getting all the food and such prepared. Tonight I have to go get 750 nuggets-YAY me. Lol. I just hope that God speaks to some people's hearts and they learn to accept Him.

Thats all...

day 10 update...

Dr apointment: great!!! follicles: plenty!! sizes: 8-8mm, 2-10mm, and 1-11mm, lining: 7.5mm. next apointment: come back sun for another scan, meds: stay the same-75iu. HOw's that in a nutshell :) Lol. Im praying for the 3 biggest to keep getting bigger.

Trugging right along....

Wow-2 posts in 1 day :) Im good-haha.

Nothing new going on, just trugging right along w/ my shots. I am on day 6 of my cycle and the 4th day of shots. Im praying daily for God to allow His will to be done. This is somthing that is not in my control, but in His only. I need to trust in the Lord for His strength and know that He is in control!!! I will keep praying... not only for a baby, but for patience, guidance, hope, love and just a peace in my heart. If I dont get a bfp (positive pg test) this time around..... that I have an overwhelming peace over me. The Lord WILL bless us-I have faith in that....

Thanks sooo much for the prayers. I appreciate them more than anyone may ever know. I dont know how much updating I will get done bc its a busy week ahead. I have my cycle day 10 ultrasound on Thursday... so I will try to update then.

Poem

This is a poem I saw on a friends blog who lost her precious little girl. Even though I have not been through the trials and pains that she (and others I know) have been through, a part of me greives with her. (I just copy and pasted this from her blog, so the description is what she wrote on her blog)



A poem
This poem has been posted on both my NILMDTS board and BBC board. I don't know who wrote the poem, but it touches my heart and I wanted to share.

I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today.
I asked him what make a mother
And I know I heard him say.

A mother has a baby
This we know is true
But God, can you be a mother
When your baby's not with you?

Yes, you can, He replied
With confidence in His voice.
I give many women babies
When they leave is not their choice.

Some I send for a lifetime
And others for a day
And some I send to feel your womb
But there's not need to stay.

I just don't understand this God
I want my baby here.
He took a breath and cleared His throat
And then I saw a tear.

I wish I could show you
What your child is doing today.
If you could see your child smile
With other children and say,

"We go to earth to learn our lessons
Of life and love and fear.
My Mommy loved me, Oh so much,
I got to come straight here.

I feel so lucky to have a Mom
Who had so much love for me,
I learned my lesson very quickly
My Mommy set me free.

I miss my Mommy, Oh so much,
But I visit her each day.
When she goes to sleep
On her pillow's where I lay.

I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek
And whisper in her ear,
'Mommy don't be sad today
I'm your baby and I'm here.'"

So you see, my dear sweet one,
Your children are okay.
Your babies are here in MY home
And this is where they'll stay.

They'll wait for you with ME
Until your lesson is through.
And on the day that you come home,
They'll be at the gates for you.

So now you see what makes a Mother -
It's the feeling in your heart.
It's the love you had so much of
Right from the very start.

Though some on earth may not realize you are a Mother
Until their time is done.
They'll be up here with ME one day,
And know you're the best one.

Gonal F shot #1

Tonight I did my first dose of Gonal F. I was scared bc I dont know that I did it right. Lol. I do 75iu of meds, mixed meds, until day 9. I go on day 10-next Thur-for a follicle scan to see how many follicles I have. Im praying soo hard for this cycle.

My nurse told me that she doesnt want to see more than 3 mature follicles and if i have more than 3, then I need to be converted to ivf. Which is fine w/ me...scary at the same time... but perfectly fine w/ me. I want what is best and what will happen will happen. God knows the plans for this month!!!

I will be doing Gonal F until it runs out. I have a few more iu's of it left and then I will do Follistim and then we'll see :)

Keep praying!!

Follistim... Gonal F... Menopur....

Injections... lets go round #2!!!

LOL.

I had my scan this morning and everything looked GREAT! Nice quiet ovaries-for now ;) I cant wait!!! Im sooo excited and just know God has a great plan for us! I had about 20 or so follicles that were all under 5mm each, so that's great and my lining was about a 3ish-i dont really remember. My nurse is to call me later and let me know the date for my follicle scan and what time to take my meds. Im thinking my scan will be next thur, day 10, and I am to start my meds tonight-but she wasnt certain on the amount-either 75iu, or 150iu. Im thinking 150iu. We'll see :)

Im sooo excited for this new chapter!!

Cycle Day 1

Cycle number 36 here I come!!! YAY!!! I cant wait :)

I have my day 3 apointment on Thur at 8:15 am and I will have a scan to see if I have any cysts-which Im praying I dont!!! I hope hope hope I dont! or more birth control pills for me-blech!!! I have never had any after meds, so I shouldnt have any now. We shall see.

Im sooo excited and sooo hopeful for this month. God will work wonders-I just know it :)