One more week!!!!

One more week babies !!!!

You precious children will be coming home to your mommy and daddy!!! I can not wait!! Im sooo excited.


Well, technically, they wont be coming home next week... they will no longer be frozen next week :) YAY!!! I cant wait for my babies to not be frozen anymore :)

God, we just know that this is your time... help us Lord with the patience we need and the strength we need (us and our babies) to get through the next coming weeks. We know that this is the time we will be blessed and we're so excited!!! In your time, things will come together. We are so greatful that you are the God of life and that you will bless us very soon :) Thank you God for all your blessings and love that you have poured out into our lives. We love and praise you for all that you do Lord. In your name, Amen.


Please continue your prayers during this time, I know that this is it.. I know that God would not get us this far.....

I can not wait... we can not wait. These babies have been very much wanted for 3 years and odd months, and we just cant wait any longer! we are so excited to be having this blessing upon our lives.. thank you so much for your prayers and love.

Goodbye Estraderm... Hello Vivelle...

Okay, So for the longest time Ive been having an awful awful time w/ these estraderm patches. So finally I got my nurse to call me in some Vivelle. YAY! Its the same as an estrogen patch, but ALOT smaller and sooo much better-so far. Its my last option, so I was told, so I will stick it out. I also had a coupon for a free month-so that will save me $35 this month :) YAY! Although the women at CVS pharm were pretty rude to me. Lol. We'll see what happens from now. So for now... my meds are Estradiol twice a day (idk if I spelled that right), Vitamin E, baby asprin, Trental (twice a day), Metformin (3 times a day), prental and dha. Hmm.. I think thats all. LOL. I change my patch every Tue and Friday... so that adds another med. Yes, that's alot of meds-but sooo worth it in the end! Im very excited to see how things are going to work out this month!!

On another note, Travis and I have been doing some projects around the house. We got a new floor for the "Titans room" but it doenst come in until Oct 11. We are really excited to get it though!! Its a rubberish floor (I will post pics of it when we get it together), we got a new screen door (pic will be in next post), and we got a laminte/wood floor for the now orange office (again, pic will be posted later-lol)

Other than that.. we are just waiting for NEXT THUR!!! I am very excited for this to be "on the roll!" Im very very very excited and not scared at all! (not yet ;-) lol) I know that God is in control for this month and in control for the future of our babies! I cant wait!!! This is going to work and we are going to be blessed, maybe even by 3 ;-)

Ready?? Set??? Lets go!!!

Today marks Day 1 of my cycle!! Wahooo!!

You will NEVER EVER hear me say these words again!!!Thank God for my period!! LOL.


Im sooo excited to be moving on. I hate being stuck waiting-just hate it! I know that God is working this time around. He will bless us this month! July babies here we come!!! Im looking forward to starting my meds tomorrow, to getting my scan (which is Oct 7) and then having my babies grow and finally having them come home:)

We just can NOT wait!!! We are soo excited and so overjoyed. God is doing wonderful and awesome things! YAY

Please pray for us during this time. Pray for God to give us the peace in our hearts and minds and to bless us as He sees fit :)

I absolutly can not wait! YAY :)

PLEASE VOTE!!!

Chrysler is giving away a vacation do-over. $5000 to a lucky winner. I submitted our story to this contest. It is a doozy. This is just what happend in a short version-it was a very intense couple of months. God really worked wonders!! If you would-please click on this link http://apps.facebook.com...essays/viewItem/78/899/ and vote!! You can vote once a day, every day, until Sept 30. I would really appreciate it if you read my story and voted!! (let me know if that link doesnt work!) also, if you could-or wanted to-please post to your facebook wall :) thanks a bunch!!!

Dear Babies...

To my darling babies...

Mommy and daddy prayed so hard for you 3 to come home to us this month, but nope-God had much better plans in place. We dont want you to know what happend, bc it doesnt matter now. What matters is that you are all still safe and sound, waiting patiently to come home :) You are wanted soo much by soo many people. That day will come our dear babies. The day will come when you will be thawed and you will come to your home for 9 months-your mommy's womb. You will snuggle in safe and sound and then in 9 months come out and meet all the WONDERFUL people who have prayed, cried and worried about you for 3 years.

We are soo excited to be able to be on this journey bc we know that it is one more step closer to our dream. Yes, we had a hard day today knowing that today was supposed to be "our" planned day for you to come home. It was not-it was not God's day.

We pray for you guys daily that you will ALL make it and will ALL come home soon :) We love you already... and youre not even conceived yet!!! How amazing this love is :)

Love,

Mommy and Daddy

I am..

I saw this on another blog and thought it would be a good way to express my thoughts for the day.. and to MAYBE not talk so much about infertility?? Maybe?? LOL.

I am thinking.... about how good my dinner is going to taste ;) I am also thinking of how much I can get done before getting pregnant in Oct. Im too excited to NOT think about it! LOL (After-all, this is an infertility blog-lol)

I am thankful for... everything that God has blessed me with. I have an AMAZING husband who is sooo wonderful and has been here through everything with me! He didnt ask for this in his life, but he's stuck around :) I am thankful for my wonderful friends, and co workers, who have been soo supportive through my infertility journey. Im thankful for my amazing family-who w/ out them.. i wouldnt be who I am today. For my salvation-that Jesus died upon the cross for our sins. and oddly enough, Im thankful for my infertility-it has made me who I am. it has gotten me closer to Jesus and to Travis... for that I am sooo thankful.

From the Kitchen... I hear water starting to boil w/ my noodles in it for the tuna casserole that Im about to make-LOL. And I just statched a yummy mini reeses cup ;)

Im wearing... a black shirt w/ my fav Bible verse on it. For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11 And of course.. capris.

Im reading... Safe Haven by Nicholas Sparks.. I just got into it though

Im praying... for God to bless us with a great and wonderful miracle! I know that Oct will be THE month!!!! I cant wait!!

Im creating... ummm nothing.Lol. I might decide to start painting the small bathroom before we get into the IVF stages again..

Im looking forward to.... October!!! I can not wait to get my period and to get started on this journey again! I just know that this is going to be it :)

Sept 22, 2010

At 11:30am..

That was supposed to be my transfer date *sigh* THAT was supposed to be the best day of my life. I was supposed to be getting pregnant that day. But nope, things happen... and guess what.


It just was not in Gods plan.


God has a new plan for our lives. God knows that this wasnt meant to be this month. Next month will be THE month and God will FINALLY bless us with the miracle we have been waiting for. I am sooo excited and happy for the blessings that are you going to occur. Now I just wait. I wait some more. Wait for my period, wait for the dr appt, wait for my babies to be thawed, wait for them to grow, and then FINALLY wait for the positive news. God IS going to bless us. We are going to have our babies and we will get the miracle(s) that was meant to be-our babies.

Im so excited and so looking forward to this journey that we are about to embark on. :) Thanks for the prayers and continue to do so.

Thats what faith can do.....

As I was taking my bath this evening.. this song came on the tv (well, radio that was playing through the tv) and it was just what I needed to hear. It is amazing how things like that happen.


Here is the song:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WnCEyfRdvDY&ob=av2e


and here are the lyrics:

Everybody falls sometimes
Gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes and make a new beginning
Anyone can feel the ache
You think it’s more than you can take
But you're stronger, stronger than you know
Don’t you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do

It doesn’t matter what you’ve heard
Impossible is not a word
It’s just a reason for someone not to try
Everybody’s scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water
It’ll be alright
Life is so much more
Than what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do

Overcome the odds
http://www.elyricsworld.com/what_faith_can_do_lyrics_kutless.html
You don't have a chance
(That’s what faith can do)
When the world says you can’t
It’ll tell you that you can!

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do
That's what faith can do!
Even if you fall sometimes
You will have the strength to rise



It was just what I needed to hear. Faith can do amazing things--God knows what He is doing and that is just wonderful and makes me want to cry!!! I am sooo blessed to have God in my life and I hope that those who are reading this-know God for yourself :)

Update to my craziness...

OMG... have I had a morning!!!!

Lets start off by saying my nurse was out of the office until 2pm today-so I called the lady she had said would be on call for her-her name is Lori (my nurse is Christine-well, my old nurse, i will get to that later-lol) Okay... so I had left Lori a message-that was at 8am.

I got a phone call at 10am, when I was going on lunch, and she said that they made a mistake!!!! She explained to me how Christine was new to the egg freezing protocol and to the IVF stuff, which is fine. Well, Lori was telling me that Christine should have got dh's sperm on Friday when we were there. She told me that I had been taking my progesterone injections for too long for them to do a transfer. She also said that I was getting late into my cycle and that if they did do a transfer, there were high chances my embryos wouldnt stick. She said that embryos needed to grow for a couple of day-3-5 days. I knew all this-from you guys and from my reading. I told Lori somthing didnt seem right on Friday-Haha. Well... So NO my eggies are defrosted which is great!! I was so afraid that they would be.

Anyways... Lori said to stop all my medications, everything. and I should start a period soon. I am to call HER when I get a period and they will go from there. I will start back up all my meds (except progesterone) on day 2. She said if I get ANY bills to give them to her and they will take care of them-bc it is thier fault-not mine. She was so apologetic. I appreciate that. and Im glad that they caught it in time. I am happy that my eggies are still safe. Sort of bummed I have to go another month and this one was just wasted, but its okay-God knows what is going on :)

I know there is nothing else that I can do about this situation. God knows what is best and I just need to take it one day at a time. :)

T minus 3 days :-D

EICK!!!

Im sooo excited!!! I know that this is going to work-this is going to be IT. Our turn, our time. Im soo happy and just can not wait!!

I have not officially said what will be happening in 3 days-and no, I wont say-HAHA. I will keep ya'll in suspense for a while, but if you guess then MAYBE I will tell ya ;-) I dont want people "hounding me" so for now... ya'll are in suspense mode. LOL.

Like Ive said, Im sooo excited to have a blessing coming. God is sooo wonderful and deserves ALL the credit for this!!

thanks for the prayers-keep em coming ;-)

Body-meet progesterone.... SHOTS!

Eick!!

When you see these needles, that is what will come to mind.... EICK!
Travis has to give me these shots-in my bottom... every morn. He was sooo good at it!! LOL. I didnt feel it at all. It started hurting about 5 min afterwards-I guess bc the med was going through my body.. .but I will live.

PLease keep praying bc God is doing amazing things in our lives and we are sooo excited to be on this journey. hmmm.. in 3 years, idk if Ive ever said I was excited to be on the INFERTILITY journey-but right now, I am ;)

blood is thicker than water.....

Well, My lining was thick-but they checked the blood flow(which Ive never had done before) and it was sort of neat. Anyways, it was slower than they liked. They put me on a baby asprin, vitamin E and Trental. I take those daily and keep up w/ my estrogen. I go back on Friday for another scan. The dr really freaked me out bc he said "assuming we have embryos to transfer" and that just freaked me out bc Im scared we wont have any!! I know that we will bc I know that God is going to bring us through this-He brought us to it :) Im so excited still.. a little nervous now, but more so excited! Some great news is that my ovaries are quiet-so that's good. Now I just take drugs and wait :) and PRAY!!!!

PRAY PRAY PRAY-HARD!!!!

Im trying to keep my positive attitude and im trying to keep my faith-Im still sooo positive and at such peace w/ this. Everytime that the devil tries to "smash" the way Im feeling-God keeps puting the peace stronger and stronger in my heart.

Update...

Update on me..

Nothing really-lol.

I am just trusting in God's time for this all to get together. I am praying so hard that He works His miracles this time around. We are very excited to be moving onward and very excited to know that we WILL get our babies!!! I will update as I know more, but right now-I dont know much.

I start progetserone injections on Tue. This is a much larger needle than what Im used to-EICK!!!! Im not excited about it. but I know that this has to be done and this is for my babies. Travis will have to do this shot, in my rear. Its a big needle and its a thick med. eick!! I am praying that God gives me the strength to suffer through it and the whole time I do, that I am thinking of the end results :)

Thanks for the prayers.

Mommy??

"Mommy, how are babies made?"

"My sweet child, you are a beautiful work of A.R.T."





I saw that on someones blog and thought it was soo sweet :)

Overwhelming Peace...

Lately I have been overcome w/ overwhelming peace....


That this IS going to work...

That this IS in God's plan...

That one day SOON -I will bring all 3 of my babies home to me...

That this IS going to be a miracle...


I have overwhelming peace over my heart and I love it!!! I was struggling w/ all of this. Yes, Im scared-Im scared to death. But the peace in my heart that I feel trumps the fear and Im sooo excited in return. I know that this is it! Its a great sensation to experience and there is no other way to describe it but to say that its God.

God is the one who pours peace onto someones heart and allow them to not be afraid...

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9

So do not fear, for I am with you;do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10


Those Bible verses are sooo important. They teach us that God is there with us-ALWAYS. We are to not fear for the Lord takes away fear and gives us a peace that surpases all understanding.


I am sooo excited to begin this journey and to allow God to work in my life, in our lives. I know, in my heart, that my babies WILL be home with me one day soon! God would not have got us this far, only to "leave us".

And yes, many of you think-well, what if youre wrong??

Well... IF Im wrong.. God has other great and wonderful plans for our lives... and i cant wait :)

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11


God knows the plans for our lives and I put my heart, my trust, and my faith in Him and Him alone...

"I know how you feel...."

Yes, but do you REALLY??

How many times have you heard this?? (Not just with infertility but w/ life in general)

Yes, you may know how hard it is to see a neg test every month, or how bad you yearn for a baby....


but do you really feel the pain??

When I give myself a shot daily-do you feel it going into your skin as well? Do you flinch just a little bit bc it burns?

When I see a spot of blood, does your heart sink? Because mine sure does.

When I have to talk to complete strangers (drs and nurses) about how many times my husband and I have intercourse, do you feel the embarassement flush across your face as well??

When I felt like I was dying when my eggs were retreaved, did you feel that too?? bc it sure hurt.

When my heart feels like its in a million peices from it not working that month, does your heart ache too?? It may ache for me, but not in the same sense as mine (and Trav's)

When I have the tiniest bit of hope, and it gets shattered, do you feel that frustration and failure as well??


Yes, i know you might seem good by saying " I know how YOU feel" but sometimes... think about. Do you really know how I feel?? I mean, yes, you know how you felt-and yes, the pain is real and its the same, Im not saying its not. But when I experience failure, or hurt, do YOU feel it too??

No, Im NOT trying to be mean or sound hateful... this is my blog and I write my thoughts on here-and this is my thought.

Yes, I know that every single one of you will rejoice with me when I finally do fall pregnant and that's awesome to have that love and support. but if you really dont know how i feel-please dont tell me :) Its hard, its really hard, to explain how I feel. Its humiliating and embarassing to me-and I HATE that I have to go through this (as well as hating it for my friends and loved ones and those who are suffering through it as well)

Please know I love each one of you and that I know you are there for me for support, and like I said, I was NOT saying this make people upset or feel bad... its just my thoughts...


My next post will be more upbeat :)

Total Cost over 3 yrs....

Okay, so someone asked me the other day how much all of this has costed us over 3 yrs... lets see..


Medications Copays (ONLY for the past 18 mths): $718.14

9 HCG Triggers: $450

Injections (bravelle, Ganirelix) The other that I used, I have gotten for free.: $1,000

Copays: $1285

HSG Copay: $200

Lap Surgery Copay: $2100

7 IUI's: (About $300 each) $2100

Egg retreaval: $400

Egg thawing, ICSI (free) Egg transfer: $2000

so the grand total that after this egg thawing/transfer, will be...........




$10,253.14


and yes, some of you are probably thinking-why didnt she just start off w/ IVF? The answer....

bc I didnt know I needed it *sigh*

EVERYTHING that I have been through has led me to today-EVERYTHING. and some days it frustrates me and makes me angry, but I know that THIS is ALL in God's plan.. not mine. I pray so hard that He will work out HIS plan this month.. and we will finally get what we've been hoping and praying for for 3 years, 3 months, and 4 days.


** I also want to say, we have been very very blessed to have such wonderful family to help w/ some of these costs.. not all of it, but some of it-thanks :) **